Have you ever thought to yourself... 'when I get... I will feel......'?
Have you ever put off doing something because you believe you aren't ready or you aren't worthy of it yet... but one day, when a series of circumstances arise... you will magically be in that place?
I used to believe that when I had a completely flat tummy with 'ripped abs' I would suddenly feel confident, sexy and in love with my life and my body.
I used to believe that when I had earned a certain amount of money I would be able to buy 'the things' that would make me feel beautiful and successful and that all my problems would go away.
I used to believe that when I had studied or got a certificate in a certain area of expertise, then I would suddenly be confident enough to create the business that I dreamed of.
I had a total 'when I...' mindset, and it lead to a complete feeling of lack and scarcity; desperation even.
But the truth is... I fulfilled all of the above, over and over again (OK maybe not the ripped abs!!) and yet STILL didn't feel strong, sexy, confident and content. I still didn't feel peaceful and at ease with myself.
I didn't realise that I was all the things I wanted to be already.
We have to cultivate these feelings because for the majority of us we have been conditioned out of believing anything positive about ourselves. Patterns in our childhood, at school, in the workplace, through social media... they all contribute to the way our beliefs are and we are constantly bombarded by marketing that triggers every single insecurity to try and ensure we purchase 'the thing' in order to feel fulfilled and joyful.
Just like anything in life, practice makes progress, and switching the mindset from a 'when I...' to 'I already am...' is not going to happen overnight. You have got to do the work.
Here is a little exercise for you to try in your journal, or even just in your head right now...
Ask yourself the following questions...
- How do I want to feel?
- What will I achieve when I feel that way?
- Why do I believe it isn't possible for me to achieve this right now, exactly as I am?
- What area am I already fulfilling this, even in some small way?
- What baby steps can I take to cultivate this even more?
It might sound super simple, but when you start to get curious about a block or some form of resistance to transformation, you often find that the block isn't a real block at all, but simply a habit or a thought that has set its roots down in your mind.
You already are
Now write down how you want to feel as if you already are it. 'I am already sexy, strong and confident,' The 'I am already...' is the most important thing to include. Write it down at least ten times, say it out loud, sing it, dance it out, tattoo it to your arm (OK... maybe don't do that!!) and plaster it everywhere you possibly can so you continuously remind yourself of it.
I already am
As an example, I wanted to feel like a successful coach, but I believed I had to be having regular '£10k months' before I could call myself that (partly due to the marketing messages I was being bombarded with on my social feed from in-authentic coaches - that is a whole other story though).
So I used the fact I wasn't earning this certain number to keep affirming that I wasn't a successful coach. However, I was forgetting that I was already earning enough money to continue building a business that I loved, I was supporting amazing people, getting to express my creativity and had the freedom to include many of the things that bring me joy into my everyday life. I switched the 'when I earn £10k I will be successful' to ... 'I am already a successful coach'.
Yes there is still room to grow and evolve, but it doesn't mean I can't feel the pride, success, joy and fulfillment right now.
We are designed to move
The problem with a 'when I...' mindset is that it keeps you stuck. It stops you from moving forward because you feel that you have to wait for all the boxes to be ticked before you can get to the place where you will feel the way you want to feel.
And nobody likes being stuck. We are designed to grow and evolve and there is a huge fear of not progressing in life, yet there is often huge fear of the process of growing in itself.
Now, obviously there are certain areas that you do have to execute patience for, you may not be able to say you already are a doctor if you haven't finished your studies yet, but you are taking steps towards it, and just because you haven't got that bit of paper yet, you can still find ways to feel the fulfillment of helping and supporting people as you go through the process.
'I am already...'
You already are all the things you desire, and more. How can you adopt more of a 'I am already...' mindset into your life and what effects could that have? I would love to hear from you if this resonates, or if you try the exercise and it helps.
You already are. I believe it. Now can you?
PS... check out my new Wellbeing Coaching 6 week programme here if you are looking for someone to 'have your back' while you work on your 'I am already' mindset!
PPS... Still a couple of days left until The Inspire Tribe kicks off. If you are looking to work on your business mindset and make some dreams become a reality come and join this amazing group of women!