Are you hiding from your messy truth?
Today I want to talk about something we often try and deny within ourselves.
Shadows. The shitty bits. The messy truth.
And I am not talking about the little fib we tell our partner about how much a pair of new yoga pants cost us.
I am talking about OUR TRUTH. Your own unique truth.
The untidy bits...
I pride myself on being a truth speaker. I often feel like being real and honest and messy can be a bit of business suicide, however, I feel it is my purpose to share my truth in order to hopefully support others as they discover their own.
It is an ongoing process of unraveling. A lot of my truth is wrapped up in conditioning and people pleasing. A lot of my truth is hidden for fear of 'what will people think?'. A lot of my truth feels too scary to say just now - although I am learning to embrace this raw, wild and very human element of myself.
We are often penalised for speaking our truth. When our truth is a less than desirable emotion such as anger or frustration, we can be berated for feeling that and made to feel shame. We can be judged and criticised for not 'sucking it up' and being all sunbeams and unicorns. This judgement can come from others, or most likely from ourselves.
When I first began this journey of personal growth and development, I read so much about positive affirmations, positive thinking, always being upbeat, seeing light in every situation. Don't get me wrong - I still look for the lessons in all of my experiences and find gratitude within them, and adopting an empowered mindset is so incredibly powerful, but I cannot always maintain an appearance which is all glitter and stardust (much as I love both glitter and stardust!!). Because it isn't my truth.
Some of my truths...
Sharing countless bowls of rainbow coloured bowls of salad on my instagram feed and using #strongnotskinny #bodypositive hashtags - while my actual messy truth was that I couldn't pass a mirror without checking how flat my stomach was (or wasn't) and that I was torturing myself with abusive and hurtful comments about the way I looked.
Walking at sunrise and sharing the beautiful dawn of a new day with a post about how lucky I feel to be alive - when sometimes my real truth was that while I was surrounded by natural beauty, I was also struggling to breathe properly and not have a panic attack because I was consumed by anxiety.
Suggesting to my clients that they utilise their own menstrual cycles to find their own unique way of working in a creative and feminine flow - when my honest truth was that I felt like a fraud because I couldn't tell anyone I was battling with hormonal issues and hadn't had a period in over three years.
You see - a lot of my truths are messy and untidy.
Your truth really can set you free
The more and more I have shared my words, my writing and grown as a person, the more I have rejected this idea of perfection and sought out my truth and my honesty. And sometimes that is certainly not pretty and can make others shy away in discomfort.
I have always loved to help people shine a light on the amazing things they can do in their lives and be a supportive cheerleader helping people see through the challenges. I spent a long time being quite uncomfortable when I felt I couldn't 'fix' things by bringing positivity and sparkle to a situation - however I now realise that the shadows are actually where so much of the magic truly lies.
The dark parts of ourselves that we would rather keep hidden. The thoughts we don't want anyone to know we think. The worries and the fears that are so not pretty and rainbow coloured. These are where our truths can be found.
Our beautifully messy truths.
Doing the work
The more I do 'this work' and by that I mean - being ME in a pretty overwhelming and complicated world (because that is work believe me!!) - the more I feel drawn to sharing ALL of me. And I do this with no marketing agenda or business strategy - I just feel compelled to tell the truth. My truth. The messy version!
My truth is that I think by shying away from our emotions - by ignoring that urge to shout and rant, by keeping quiet when we want to cry, by pretending everything is OK when it clearly isn't - we are doing a disservice to ourselves.
I asked myself this question recently and journaled over it...
Where are you not being totally honest with yourself Lauren? Where are you hiding your truth and what are you shying away from?
And with a lump in my throat and a heavy heart I explored these parts of me. The areas that felt so icky and painful, the parts of me that made me purse my lips in discomfort and furrow my brow because it felt so hard. I explored the shame I had around these thoughts, the guilt, the hatred, the self loathing. I traipsed through the muddy murky bits and felt it all.
Tears, anger, frustration, resentment, fear... all of the 'unwanted' truths came up. I won't pretend it is a pleasant experience.
But do you know what? Ignoring the truth doesn't make it go away. It makes it fester.
It is your choice
We generally don't want to experience discomfort and suffering, we try and avoid it at all costs, which often means turning our face away from the darkness, or shining light on a situation when in our hearts we know the truth.
Doing this just prolongs the discomfort until it manifests. It will come out eventually. It might come out through a physical pain or illness in the body, or it might come out in an outburst of emotion which seemingly comes from nowhere, but in reality it has been brewing for a long time.
Not everyone is ready for this work, not everyone will be prepared to do this work, but if you are reading this and found yourself nodding your head at any of it, then maybe, just maybe, it is time to start exploring your truth a little more.
You are supported
When I work with clients in their business and personal lives - because everything is so closely entwined - there is often so much fear around speaking the truth of how we feel. However a big part of my work now is to hold space for others to explore, without any judgement, the messy parts of their life, the worries, the doubts and the dark corners. To speak their truth.
I believe that finding your truth really does open things up for you, it also provides you with the most beautiful, real, foundation to build a life that feels aligned and authentic.
The shadows aren't there with the sole purpose of making your life a misery and cause you a lot of suffering. They are there to teach you and show you what needs to be healed, what needs to be released and what truth needs to be embraced.
You may feel like this is a process you want to explore on your own, or you may need to ask for the support you need - whether it is spiritual support from your faith or beliefs, or whether it is the support of someone you resonate with.
Just know that you are supported no matter what, and your own personal truth is yours and yours alone.
Does this bring anything up for you? Does it make you feel uncomfortable or fearful? Or does it make you want to dive further into your truth?
If you feel you would like someone to hold space for you to explore your messy truth please don't hesitate to drop me an email here.