One of the biggest realisations I have had over the past few years is that relationships are most definitely our biggest teachers.

Whether it be family dynamics, friendships, working relationships, intimate partnerships or perhaps the most important one of all - the one we have with ourselves - each relationship we have in our life provides us with some kind of growth and expansion opportunity. Whether we like it or not!

There are so many different kinds of relationship we can find ourselves in - some are loving and soulful, others are toxic and harmful - but one thing is for sure - we can learn something from all of them.

A few years ago I was in a particularly challenging phase of my life - there was a lot of internal healing arising and I was going through a huge transitional period which was bringing up so many of my old wounds. I found myself in a pattern of negativity and criticism and while most of that was being aimed at myself - it was also being projected out on my close relationships.

I started to observe my own patterns of perfectionism being showing up in the way I saw people I love, making me nit picky, judgmental at times and highly critical of both myself and others. At the time I was blind to see my own part in the way these patterns were occurring - I would blame and place responsibility on everyone but myself.

But then I started to witness myself and see that this was all mirroring back to me what I needed to heal and soothe in myself, and that this behaviour was actually keeping me in a place of self destruction.

The more critical I was of others, the more I had a good opportunity to reinforce my belief that I was not a kind or loving person. When I reacted in a situation with someone, I would instantly feel shame and disappointment at the way I had behaved. Wishing I could be a ‘better’ person.

Instead of seeing this as my own wounds to heal, I bypassed that and placed the blame on the other person.

It kept me in a cycle of being unkind towards myself.

A powerful question

And then I discovered a question that shifted the way I reacted, the way I thought, the way I behaved… and in turn woke me up to a new way of being.

I am not saying I have this totally perfected at all - this is always a work in progress - we are constantly being given opportunities to heal parts of ourselves that need to be soothed and cared for - so don’t expect this to make all the old habits fall away.

BUT… in my own experience it can dramatically shift things when you tune in to this question.

Want to know what it is?

What would love do?

This question has been a catalyst for so much transformation within not only my relationship with others - but also with myself.

At our core we are love.

We are pure, deep, love - but with many layers piled on top. Sometimes there are so many layers on top of that core, that we feel completely disconnected from love.

I think of LOVE as being the greatest version of myself, the higher self, the soul self. And when I tune in to honouring how this ‘being’ would act in the situations I am in, it can shift the response or reactions that I make.

It can save so much angst, so much reactivity, so much upset and so much hurt - both towards ourselves and others.

When I feel myself getting defensive, reactive or fearful… I come back to the question…

What would love do?

If I was love… what would I do in this situation? What would I say? How would I react?

What would love do?

Sometimes love would be gentle and kind and compassionate and see things from a different perspective.

Sometimes love would walk away and take some deep breaths.

Sometimes love would simply say, I hear you.

Sometimes love would let something, or someone go.

Sometimes love would be fiercely protective of personal boundaries.

Sometimes love would say NO.

Sometimes love would say I am sorry.

Sometimes love would laugh and make a joke.

Sometimes love would see a different perspective.

Sometimes love would make a tough decision.

Love will act in different ways, but love will always be right. Love might not always be easy, and it might take a lot of courage.

But, love will always win.

What would love do?

Lx